Last month, on September 19, in reaction to Congress' vote to defund Planned Parenthood, Seattle-based activist Amelia Bonow decided to share her abortion experience at Planned Parenthood with the world. She finished her post with the hashtag #ShoutYourAbortion. It wasn't long before others took to social media, like Twitter, to share their abortion story and their support for Planned Parenthood and a woman's right to choose.
It's eye-opening to read first hand accounts and their reasoning. First, let me make it clear - I'm in no place to stand on a pedestal, waving a finger, and shaking my head at their decision. I'm not God, and it's not my place to judge or shame. Why? However, I can shine the light on the other choice: adoption.
During high school, my birthmother had a decision to make when she became pregnant: abortion or adoption. She told me a friend talked to her about a doctor who could make the problem disappear. Other girls visited him, she should too.
She wasn't a girl who slept around; her nickname at school was "the nun" because she punched guys out if they talked to her inappropriately or made a pass. She had a long-term boyfriend who lived a block away; they grew-up together. When things started to get hot and heavy, she asked her mom about birth control. They couldn't let her father know she was becoming sexually active. She went to the doctor and had birth control prescribed for acne. Her father was none the wiser until she discovered she was pregnant. But How? No one bothered to explain birth control pills didn't work after one pill, it took a month of pills to prevent pregnancy. She had sex for the first time before taking the whole pill pack. Oops.
Her father was a devout Catholic, the captain of the town's fire department, and having a pregnant teen was an embarrassment. She couldn't fathom having an abortion. It wasn't right for her. It wasn't easy to choose adoption either. Her father took her out of school and threatened to send her away. Her mom intervened and she went to night school instead. People treated her like a pariah. Not everyone, but even one person doing so was one too many.
Looking back, knowing I was the baby growing inside her, it makes me realize how much shit she went through to give me life and then give me away. She literally went home empty-handed. For three decades she had no idea where I lived, if my parents loved me, if I was happy, lonely or sad. Talk about a monumental sacrifice! Once we reunited she told me the not knowing was the worst and to see me in a happy marriage, with two daughters of my own, an education, now living a good life was worth the pain. Wow. That's a selfless act.
If #ShoutYourAbortion is a a trend, I think #ShoutYourAdoption should be one too. No matter what a woman decides, no one should cast stones. The answer is always forgiveness, love and empathy.
Every week I'm going to feature a well known person who was either an adoptee or adopted a child as example of how cool it is to #ShoutYourAdoption
Stay tuned!
Love, The Adopted Goddess
I've always thought I was pro-choice, you know a woman's right to choose, etc. Turns out I am pro-choice and I chose to give a baby up for adoption. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy October 15, 2012 and his parents were actually in the delivery room when he was born. Yes, he just turned 3 last week. I love him as much as I love my other children and think about him each and every day. It was the most selfless and loving act in my life and also the most painful. I've been so full of shame and have tried to keep it sort of a secret. Definitely nothing I shared with anyone (except for a select few I couldn't avoid telling) until now. It's still a fairly painful memory due to all the shame and loneliness I felt at the time. I drove myself to the hospital and drove myself home two days later. I was completely alone. I called the adopting parents and they flew in from Houston, sent a text to the birth father letting him know what was happening if he was interested in seeing his son or meeting the adopting parents. He wasn't. I never held my son, by choice. I feared if I held him I wouldn't be able to let go. I pray he always knows I acted out of love and that's why I chose his parents for him. I interviewed three different couples in different parts of the U.S. and believe I found his parents or they found me through divine intervention. I will not be ashamed for my greatest act of love any longer. This experience is part of who I am and I will no longer deny it. I love my son and hope I'll have the opportunity to meet him in 15 years. I know he's an amazing gift from God.
ReplyDeleteYou have no reason to feel shame. However, I know that's easier said than done. I think it's a shame for a person to look at a woman who puts her baby up for adoption with anything other than awe. It's the ultimate gift - to the baby and the parents who prayed and prayed to have a beautiful soul choose them to be the parents to her baby. You hold that chin high because you are a bad ass! My birthmother knew we'd meet again one day, she told me it was never if, but when. You'll meet your son again one day - it's not if, but when.
DeleteThank you for sharing. I know it wasn't easy but you've done a beautiful thing and your story will help others. Much love to you and big hugs.