HERE'S JOHNNY! JACK NICHOLSON IS ADOPTED

As promised, I'm spotlighting well-known individuals who were adopted!

Halloween is a week and one day away and I can't celebrate the month of October without watching some good old-fashioned horror flicks. Devil-themed ones give me the straight-up heebie jeebies, The Shining is no exception. Right now you probably have this image of and line by Jack Nicholson in your head:

Ah, reminds me of my Dad and our relationship, but I digress.

You are also probably thinking what does this have to do with adoption? Well, hold your horses. I'm getting to that. Did you know Jack Nicholson is an adoptee? His adoption story has more twists than The Departed.

According to Biography, Nicholson was born in Neptune, New Jersey, on April 22, 1937 to John and Ethel May Nicholson. John dressed department store windows and Ethel styled hair. His older sister June was an aspiring actress. Turns out the whole family were skilled actors...because 37 years later a TIME magazine reporter, researching a cover story on Nicholson, called him with startling news: his sister Ethel wasn't his sister, she was his mother. The people he thought were his parents were his grandparents. His father was an ex-boyfriend of June's. 

 June Nicholson

Maybe he channeled his feelings from the day of the phone call and used them for the courtroom scene in A Few Good Men.

Could you handle the truth? Whoa.

Unfortunately, he couldn't get any answers from June because she died of cancer over a decade earlier. According to Snopes, even on their deathbeds, neither June nor Ethel May had offered up the truth.

"I'd say it was a pretty dramatic event, but it wasn't what I'd call traumatizing," Nicholson said       about discovering his family's secret. "After all, by the time I found out who my mother was, I was pretty well psychologically formed. As a matter of fact, it made quite a few things clearer to me. If anything, I felt grateful."

 It's no surprise he made this statement in 2013 about his stance on abortion.

What would the last few decades of American films be like without Jack Nicholson? I'm grateful he's here, entertaining me with his movies and talent, and I'm grateful his mother gave him a chance at life. 

#ShoutYourAdoption 

Much Love ~ The Adopted Goddess 

#ShoutYourAdoption

Last month, on September 19, in reaction to Congress' vote to defund Planned Parenthood, Seattle-based activist Amelia Bonow decided to share her abortion experience at Planned Parenthood with the world. She finished her post with the hashtag #ShoutYourAbortion. It wasn't long before others took to social media, like Twitter, to share their abortion story and their support for Planned Parenthood and a woman's right to choose. 

It's eye-opening to read first hand accounts and their reasoning. First, let me make it clear - I'm in no place to stand on a pedestal, waving a finger, and shaking my head at their decision. I'm not God, and it's not my place to judge or shame. Why? However, I can shine the light on the other choice: adoption. 

During high school, my birthmother had a decision to make when she became pregnant: abortion or adoption. She told me a friend talked to her about a doctor who could make the problem disappear. Other girls visited him, she should too.  

She wasn't a girl who slept around; her nickname at school was "the nun" because she punched guys out if they talked to her inappropriately or made a pass. She had a long-term boyfriend who lived a block away; they grew-up together. When things started to get hot and heavy, she  asked her mom about birth control. They couldn't let her father know she was becoming sexually active. She went to the doctor and had birth control prescribed for acne.  Her father was none the wiser until she discovered she was pregnant. But How? No one bothered to explain birth control pills didn't work after one pill, it took a month of pills to prevent pregnancy. She had sex for the first time before taking the whole pill pack. Oops. 

Her father was a devout Catholic, the captain of the town's fire department, and having a pregnant teen was an embarrassment. She couldn't fathom having an abortion. It wasn't right for her. It wasn't easy to choose adoption either. Her father took her out of school and threatened to send her away. Her mom intervened and she went to night school instead. People treated her like a pariah. Not everyone, but even one person doing so was one too many. 

Looking back, knowing I was the baby growing inside her, it makes me realize how much shit she went through to give me life and then give me away. She literally went home empty-handed. For three decades she had no idea where I lived, if my parents loved me, if I was happy, lonely or sad. Talk about a monumental sacrifice! Once we reunited she told me the not knowing was the worst and to see me in a happy marriage, with two daughters of my own, an education, now living a good life was worth the pain. Wow. That's a selfless act. 

If #ShoutYourAbortion is a a trend, I think #ShoutYourAdoption should be one too. No matter what a woman decides, no one should cast stones. The answer is always forgiveness, love and empathy. 

Every week I'm going to feature a well known person who was either an adoptee or adopted a child as example of how cool it is to #ShoutYourAdoption

 Stay tuned!

 Love, The Adopted Goddess

Happy Friday - Who's Yo Daddy?

Happy Friday Everyone,

On this beautiful morning, I ponder a gazillion things, including, but not limited to:

Mentholatum? Yes, Mentholatum and my mom's addiction to it. She shoves it up her nose nightly. It does clear the sinus and keeps the room winterfresh? 

This photograph from Mars featuring a rock resembling Davy Jones from Pirates of the Carribean. 

How in hell did I end up on Mars?

Wondering how presidential hopeful Deez Nuts will decorate the White House if he wins the election.

And last, but certainly most related to the theme of this bitchin' blog: fatherhood.

How do fathers fit into this whole adoption thing?

It takes two to tango, right? I had a birthfather out there in the world, too. My experience with my adopted father wasn't positive. He remarried when I was thirteen and told me our relationship was over. We were never close to begin with (I know a rotten egg when I smell one) but still, who does that?  I thought it was a joke. The next summer, when we didn't visit him in Vegas, I knew he meant what he said. Then the child support payments stopped. Seriously, that's one giant, smelly egg who missed out on this gal, her equally amazing brother, and the best bunch of grandkids a grandparent could hope for.

What's the point of the last paragraph? I didn't have a male role model and I didn't have a burning desire to have one. Thankfully, I was never one of those lost girls searching for a guy to fill the void left by an absentee father. My picker wasn't broken. Bad boys, no thank you. I craved dependability and have a peach of a husband. 

When I found out my birthfather and birthmother married after having yours truly and graduating high school, I was shocked. I had a DAD? A dad who wanted a relationship with me. I was like a deer in headlights - stunned and unable to move. I felt unsure, exposed, and started bricking a fortress around myself, to protect against who - him? I don't know. He'd been nothing but nice. Still, this situation was extremely uncomfortable. 

The unknown can be scary. If only we had a crystal ball or a flashy psychic to tell us everything will turn out alright. If you believe in a higher power, or even have a spiritual side, you can pray or meditate in attempts to ease your mind, to realize there is a grand design and all the worry in the world won't help you see the future or figure things out. 

Now, I don't fret about my birthfather because I met him in person last September.  He and his wife, after getting the green light from me, flew to my town, booked a hotel and spent almost a week exploring my world. He was the last birth relative I met and the one I worried about the most. 

What would I say? Did we have anything in common? How do you summarize the last 41 years of life? 

Guess what?

Alanis Morrisette's line in her song "Ironic" sums it up. "And life has a funny, funny way of helping you out." 

We had a grand time! All that worry for nothing. I know, I know, trying to not worry is easier said than done. However, time and time again past experience has shown me there is no reason to sweat the unknown. 

Poor guy had no idea what he was in for when he reunited with me...

Nature vs. Nurture

Genetics are a crazy thing. When you're an adoptee from a closed adoption, the whole genetic thing is a big, fat question mark. Did I learn certain behaviors and responses from the family who raised me or is it something cellular?

I think my adopted brother ( I use adopted for clarity. He's my brother, through and through) and I look alike, even though he has dark hair and eyes. In our dated Olan Mills pictures, we have the same uncomfortable smile painted across our face. Our eyes and noses have a similar shape. It's hard to tell we don't share DNA. Hell, my husband has blue eyes and blonde hair, his mom is a brown-eyed brunette.

Then there's the whole quirky factor. When my adopted brother and mom mixed their Thanksgiving dinner together, I gagged.  Foods aren't meant to be mixed or even touch. If green bean juice flowed  into my mashed potatoes - game over. Done. I never noticed I ate my food clockwise until my mother-in-law pointed it out. Corn. Then green beans. Turkey. Potatoes. No back and forth. I finish one and move to the next. Weird? Don't judge!

When I found out I had two biological brothers, I flipped. After a long discussion with the oldest of the two, I discovered we had so much in common it was eerie. He ate clockwise as well, finishing one thing before moving to the next. Something he never noticed until a friend pointed it out. We liked the same movies, not just one. The same favorite movies: The Royal Tenenbaums and Snatch. Those aren't mainstream. They're quirky, like us. 

When I vacationed with my birth mom and birth granny, they hated the morning like me. No complete sentences formed until we had a pot of coffee in our system. Night owls. We didn't care about getting the worm. We wanted sleep. Period. 

What do you think influences a person the most? Nature? Or Nurture? Do you act like your family? Do you wish you were adopted 😉? Talk to me! 

FIRST CONTACT

My mom and I sat behind a long table covered with knick knacks. It was my neighborhood's annual garage sale. The perfect opportunity for people to make my crap, their crap. I sipped coffee and enjoyed the crisp October morning. I opened my laptop, a hand-me-down gift from my father-in-law, to read my e-mail.  A perfect way to pass time during garage sale lulls.

I scrolled through my inbox, reading the interesting messages and deleting the junk. Then I came upon the message above from Registry.Adoption.com. Registry.Adoption.com? What even? It was most likely more junk, but I opened it anyway.

It was a message from a person who shared my birthday and was searching for her birth family. At least, that's what I thought the person meant. Did I register on Adoption.com? The details were blurry. I typed Adoption.com into my search engine and pressed enter.

The site was a treasure trove of information about adoption, adoptees, and reunions. I clicked on the link to the registry database and typed in my birthday. Voila, my name appeared. When my father-in-law gave me the laptop, I spent hours surfing the web. I must have entered my information on the site during one those late night surf sessions, never expecting anything to come of it.

My adoption was closed, and the only information I had was on my birth certificate: the day, the hospital, time of birth, name of the doctor, and it was done through Catholic Charities. The chance of a reunion was low. I registered for fun and didn't think about it again, until that October morning.

I read the e-mail, thinking the girl shared my birthday, and contacted me to share the news she found her biological family. Odd. Why was she telling me? She was probably just excited. I replied with a short message, "Congratulations on finding your birth family." 

A new message appeared in my inbox. She explained she wasn't adopted. She was looking for an adoptee with my birthdate. Her aunt and uncle had a daughter and she was looking for them. 

Gulp. I knew I was adopted. I liked knowing I was. It made me feel mysterious. It made for interesting chitchat. A fun idea, that was suddenly not fun, but real. An uneasy feeling began to grow inside me. This was like Pandora's Box. What if I open this and don't like what I find inside? Would anyone be the same after finding the answer to this mystery? 

Do you have a favorite movie featuring adoption?

Last week I posted nada because I was bound for California with the fam, desperately in need of a little R&R. That's rest and relaxation, folks!

This week I'm keeping things lighter than a feather. Hey, I'm still basking in the sun and sand-induced euphoria of my time spent in "The Golden State". 

Last night my daughter and I watched The Royal Tenebaums. I've seen it many a time because I love Wes Anderson films. I figured my progeny would too. I was right. I usually am 56.7% of the time. 

I completely forgot about how funny the adopted character Margot Tenebaum (Gwyneth Paltrow) is treated by her adoptive father, Royal Tenebaum (Gene Hackman).  He makes a point to introduce her this way: 

I love it! Here's a low quality video clip of the same thing, followed by her reuniting with her birthfamily and losing her finger while her pappy chops wood. Stop watching there, as the rest relates to other parts of the movie having nothing to do with the adoption facet. Still funny, though! 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWKcO35ae

Another favorite movie of mine is Juno. The lead, Juno, is a pregnant high school girl who finds a family to adopt her baby after finding them in a local Pennysaver ad. Isn't it dreamy? I think so. Without fail, I get attacked by those stupid onion ninjas during the scene when Juno gives birth and her boyfriend Bleeker crawls into her hospital bed and holds her. She sobs. I sob. Stupid onion ninjas.

Who Do You Look Like?

Who do I look like? 

I looked in the mirror and wondered. A question others never ask because they know who they resemble. They have Great Grandpa Wilbur's hazel eyes, or Aunt Dorothy's freckles. Even if they don't look a thing like their mother or father, they can trace that special something to someone in their family tree. It may be a thousand branches away, but it's there - somewhere. 

I imagined if I saw my birthmother or father across a crowded room, I'd know, by nothing more than a glance, I was their creation. It would be something deep and unspoken, undeniable. Right? Wrong. 

My mom (My adopted mom is the beautiful woman I call Mom), like me, is a blue-eyed, petite brunette. People see us together and say, "Wow, I can tell you are related." We look enough alike to fool the masses. However, there are many differences. She has a nice pair of tatas, always has, always will. My chest was a full 32A, until I gained weight after having two children. My belly swelled, my weight soared, my ankles cankled, and my first child weighed under six pounds. I gained sixty. Shit. My 32As blossomed into 36Bs. Yowza!

Mom has straight, white teeth like a box of peppermint Chiclets. I have a space between my front teeth wide enough to drive a Cadillac through. Thank God for bonding. Mom has a cute ski-sloped nose and thin eyebrows. My nose is round, almost bulbous and my eyebrows - dear gawd. If I let them grow wild, I'd resemble Frida or Bert from Sesame Street. To quote Michael Caine to Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality. "Eyebrows, there should be two of them!" 

Hey, that's me!

Over the years I've been told I look like:

Gabrielle Carteris, the token nerd girl in the original Beverly Hills 90210?

Reba McEntire? Really? Yeehaw!

Kirstie Alley? Before or After? 

Jennifer Aniston? Pre or post Rachel?

Lisa Marie Presley? Before or after M.J.?

Chewbacca. No explanation required. 

It was all fine and dandy. I still had no idea who I resembled until I had kids of my own. Finally, I had two children and had a frame of reference. People told me my daughter's eyes were shaped like mine, as was her face, and the bow of her lips. I saw the shared traits. Family goes way beyond blood. However, I never experienced anything other than an adopted family. For the first time in my life, I could see myself in someone else. My heart swelled.  

Fast forward to my first communication with my birth-family. We exchanged photos and compared features. I sent my the images to my friends and family. The results of DNA tests were still not in. Of my two best friends, one since the age of 3, the other since 8, only one saw a resemblance between me and two of my unconfirmed brothers. The minute I received the pictures, I knew the two freckle-faced, blue-eyed boys were my younger brothers. I always dreamed of having younger siblings, someone to defend, and as I looked at them, my heart ached for the missed opportunity. 

When reunited with my birthmother, I was shocked to discover my great, great grandmother was Mexican. She had coal-black hair, dark eyes, and golden skin. What!?! The aunts and uncles on my maternal side resemble my great, great grandma, exotic and mysterious. If I saw them across a crowded room, I would never think we were related. I fry into the sun, my skin freckles, my eyes are light, and my hair is light brown.

Do you look like your bio family? Do you have a doppelgänger? Do you think you might be adopted because you look different? Do storks really deliver babies? Please share your thoughts and photos! 

Have a fabulous weekend!

Much Love,

The Adopted Goddess